What would you do if you had not sinned?

I believe the biggest obstacle of fulfilling our purpose, reaching our divine potential, or living our dreams is our self image. Think for a moment: education, money, background, race, sex, religion etc. I truly believe these are all things that play a part in how hard we have to work to make our dreams come true, but it seems to me our sins are what keep us from believing we can attempt our dreams, let alone be daring enough to believe WE CAN reach our dreams.

Why do we so easily think, "not me?" "I could never." "If only they knew ?" or worst "they are right, I did that." with those beliefs we dim😭 our light and don't even start to work at following our dreams.

Our potential is damned or freed, dependent on our own beliefs of our worthiness or worthlessness.

I am christian, I believe in the Savior Jesus Christ. I believe in repentance and in GRACE.

OR DO I ?

To forgive and love others has always been easier for me, then forgiving myself. I say I am forgiven for my wrongs, and I am living in the moment trying to be true to myself and have my actions match my heart.❤️ Yet I have dreams I no longer pursue, I would have thoughts of what I am to do with my life and I would gently tell myself I chose a different road when I made mistakes.

When others would share facts of my mistakes and let me know I am less than who I really am, I would bow my head and agree with my heart.😭

With GRACE I got through hell and back, and slowly began to heal. With many angels sent from God to mentor me. I would put up sticky notes and work on one skill until it become my go to reaction then add another new skill. I got so tired sometimes having to work so hard to learn how to simply forgive, love myself and how to love others in their mistakes. Anyone who has lived through an abusive childhood, and/or has made mistakes they regret will be able to relate.🙋‍♀️ Healing is a constant effort of acknowledging, accepting, making peace and letting go.🌈

All while studying what resonates true to your soul so you can learn to have your actions match your heart. 💕

After years, actually more than a decade of hard painful work, I had gotten to a place of living in peace and with JOY for who I am. I went through the next decade trying to be true to myself and allow healing in my heart and also in others I had hurt. If asked, I would have said I was forgiven and at peace.

Then a year and a half ago I took my husband back to the Black Hills. I consider the Black Hills to be home to my childhood heart❤️ Although I only lived there second & third grade and again junior & senior year of high school this is where my childhood heart will remain. I had not been back to the Dakotas since I had gone to see my brother in the hospital dead and attend his funeral service. Brandon Miller was my half brother, younger sibling and my best friend.

As my husband and I journeyed back to the last place I had a family unit from my childhood, I really thought I would have an experience of feeling my brother. I had a letter of gratitude I wanted to read to my brother and told my husband that whenever I felt, I would stop so I could share the letter with my brother and he was invited to sit and just share quietly.

We were having lunch over looking the Black Hills after driving up a winding road where our half marathon would be the next day. Sitting on the granite rocks over looking miles of the majestic black hills and seeing Mt Rushmore I read the letter to my brother. Thanking him for the things that he blessed my life with. When I was done the most beautiful thing happened that I didn't see coming.

"It's over. You are back to you. The same girl you were when you lived here. Everything you have done is no more. You are the innocent girl you were when you lived in these mountains. You are meant to do all you were ever meant to do before this all happened. There is nothing keeping you from fulfilling your callings. You are whole. You are healed. You are meant to serve. Stop holding back. You are forgiven" The warmth that filled my soul and took away any pain or doubt in myself was lifted. Then I felt my brother sweetly say "Sis, you are the same girl I love. You are back to you. You are not your mistakes. I love you"

I could not stop crying. My husband came and wrapped his arm around me and just sat in silence while I cried. I know he thought I was missing my brother, but I was feeling the Lord's GRACE. I was feeling true forgiveness. I was feeling truth fill my soul with healing I couldn't do for myself.

I realized I believed in forgiveness but I always thought that I was a little LESS. You know the Scarlet letter. I was forever marked. If I had a moment I felt whole, I had someone there to remind me of my sins. I was put right back in my place.

That gift of the spirit in that moment thirty years after my brothers death, came after years of work and growth. I didn't even know I needed it. Thank God, that HE knows what we need.

I am a lover of beauty and light☀️. I love goodness. I am drawn to those that lift others and give energy that brings joy to others. It has been a year and half since this sacred experience for me and I have worked hard at letting go of people who choose to live in a vertical world where they find comfort in sharing others faults, or mistakes, to lift themselves up. ANALYZE TO CRITICIZE. I have been focused on being drawn to friends who live horizontally ANALYZE TO CELEBRATE. Where we are all just on our journey together. We are here to love and grow together, no one better then the other no matter what road we have walked on.

I am the woman God said "go and sin no more." too.💕

I have been an outcast by the "believers" because I was the "sinner". I have had people hate me from gossip without knowing me, I have had those who love me and are my friends, gossip about me.

I choose to live my life being who I believe I am meant to be regardless of my mistakes.

What would you do if you had not sinned? What would you do if you didn't except others judgements of you? How would you love others in their mistakes where they are if you saw them for the innocent child they were at two? If you saw their potential?

We all have broken wings and need help flying on this journey of life.

I believe in love, kindness, and celebrating not only other's individual beYOUty but also celebrating your own beYOUtiful self. 💕

Let go, Love, and BE YOU!!!

Take that leap, go after your dreams, and love yourself. You are loved by your Lord and a daughter of God regardless of what you do or don't do.

Sending love and big virtual hugs out to all

Love,

Starla❤️