From raising children to raising ME

Empty nest is too painful to even begin to express. Now that I am four years into it I am able to see some light and ways to have joy without my littles filling my home with chaos and purpose💗

Tonight I took my first water color class. In a room full of return students, some whom have been in the class for six years 🎨 my stress level was high as I sat in a room of women all familiar with their materials and going right to work as the instructor spoke using terms I didn’t know🤷‍♀️ Then they started sharing. As they started talking about a tv series “Game of Thorns” with great enthusiasm about different characters I kept my eyes down praying they didn’t ask me anything about the show I have never seen.Then the class started talking and laughing about another show that I had never even heard of and I don’t even have HBO.

As the class came to an end and I packed up my materials, I made a commitment to return next week. Walked out to my car and was torn between emotions of laughing and crying at my first art class. My expectation of having a fun Monday night art class where I would love creating was met with reality of a comedy show and extreme stress and wanting to disappear.

As I walked out of the building I had flashes of years ago. In the same Eccles art center I had cheered on my baby girl as she did dance and would turn and wave at me with her beaming smile. It was so fun going to watch her. Then I recalled my vases I have at home that my sons had made at art camp at Eccles art center over twenty years ago and how excited they were to give me the flower vases they made with string, masking tape and paint. I could see the whole scene perfectly. I put my paints in my car and reflected on those magical days of motherhood. How happy I was watching my children grow up.

Now here I am at 51 leaving art class and learning how to let go of expectations and develop talents I have never had time to learn. It may be that humility and patience may be my only skills I gain from this class 😂🤷‍♀️

Life is funny how different stages have different pros and cons.

I would rather be uncomfortable and grow then be comfortable and stagnate.

What stage in your life has been so uncomfortable you wanted to not experience it, but the growth you gained was worth all the pain?

I am hoping the empty nest stage is that for me. I hope I become more of who I desire to be with time to focus on teaching myself.

Happy earth day. Nature is a love of mine. My heart soars in nature and I find my peace there. Home and nature are where I am most myself☀️

Until next Monday,

Sending love out to all,

Starla💗